Koenma's Story: Regret
by Reyka Sivao
Summary: There were many things he should have done differently, and he's only now beginning to realize it.


**Notes:** Story written for the Secret Coconut, a fic exchange promoted by the community Saint Seiya Super Fics Journal. Many thanks to the admins of this event, and my prompter, Silveropoly!  
For those who've been waiting, yes, I'm finally starting to upload my Secret Coconut stories. Thanks for you patience, and you should totally participate in the next round. Signups start 8/6/12.

**Characters/Pairings:** Koenma (Teen!Koenma), Jorge (Ogre), Botan  
**Genre(s):** Angst/Character Study/Gen

* * *

The tall teen sat on a swing in the abandoned playground, swaying gently in a nonexistent wind.

The band around his forehead itched, but he didn't dare take it off.

The mark on his forehead signified his place as prince of Spirit World…a place he had given up any right to when he had helped Yusuke against the direct orders of his father. King Enma was undoubtedly searching the three worlds for him right now.

Koenma stared unseeingly at the ground, remembering.

That moment had been a pivotal one, to be sure, but…by the time he had gotten there, he had found it wasn't his decision to make.

A few months before, he would have instantly sided with his father, because…

Because…

Why, exactly? Because his father was always right? Because his father was king, and deserved to be obeyed, right or wrong?

Or simply because, like the child he had been, he had never actually thought about it?

Koenma sighed.

He had always looked up to his father, had aspired to be like him, had imitated him at every opportunity.

Koemna buried his face in his hands.

His father was not a nice man.

Why in any of the three worlds had it taken him seven hundred years to notice this fact? Why did he have to take on the cruelty of his father? Why hadn't anyone _told_ him?

Of course, they _had_. He just hadn't listened.

Yusuke, of course, told _everyone_ what he thought of them. But he was a middle school delinquent, so there was no reason for the prince of Spirit World to pay him any mind.

Botan had repeatedly chastised him for the various things he had heaped on the spirit detective, but she was still fairly new at being the chief ferry girl, and didn't know quite how things worked.

And then there was Ogre.

No.

Jorge.

Koenma rubbed his temple through his headband.

He had treated Jorge worse than anyone, taking out his frustrations on the nearest person…which was usually Jorge.

It wasn't like he could fight back.

He had beaten him, stolen from him, told him how worthless he was…

All behaviors he had learned from his father.

Lord Enma's favorite punishment for his son was a hundred spankings—a punishment Koenma had passed on verbatim on more than one occasion.

Stealing? His father was a thief on a grand scale, always fighting to take land from Demon World, with the goal of eventually bringing it all under the control of Spirit World.

It was under the guise of "protecting Human World", of course, but with the Kekkai Barrier in place, even that excuse hadn't held up.

And of course, King Enma had made sure that everyone in Spirit World knew of his greatness, and how they were nothing in comparison.

Koenma kicked the ground, pushing the swing back, and then let it fall where it would.

The reality of his old self rose up in front of him like a ghost.

Why?

Why had it taken him so long to see the truth?

The swing drifted back and forth, back and forth, until it was barely moving at all.

There was so much he should have done, so much that he should have done differently, or not at all.

He never should have sent Yusuke to capture the thieves of the Artifacts of Darkness. He'd only been able to defeat Goki, by far the weakest of the three, on his own…and even that had been a near thing. Only Kurama's change of heart had let him get back the other two objects without being killed in the process.

Of course, if he hadn't been on that mission, Yusuke would never have gained two valuable allies who had saved his bacon on more than one occasion.

Koenma scuffed his feet, absently making patterns in the sand.

What would have happened if he _hadn't_ done that, then?

Kurama would have died to save his mother. Goki would have consumed the souls of countless children. Hiei would have used his demonized humans to storm the world in search of his sister. Koenma would have had to summon the SDF to deal with them, which would have both been too late to stop countless deaths and would have revealed the existence of Spirit World—not to mention demons—to the entire Human World.

Koenma's brow furrowed at that.

Had everything really turned out for the best, even though he had done it for purely selfish reasons?

He brought the swing to a stop with sudden force.

It was no good considering what might have been.

What was in the past was in the past, and there was nothing that even he—_"The mighty all-powerful Koenma!"_, another shameful memory reminded him—could do to change the past.

He stood, brushing dust from the leg of his pants—it was still strange to be wearing these human clothes—and walked forward.

He wasn't going to hide anymore.

He wasn't going to run.

There was much he had to do to atone for what he'd done.

It might not do any good, but he had to try.

"Koenma, sir?"

He looked up. Jorge had spoken, but Botan was with him.

He managed a small smile, meeting their eyes in turn.

"Sir, what are you planning to do?" asked Botan.

How in any of the three worlds had they actually chosen to remain loyal to _him? _They were putting themselves in terrible danger by opposing his father.

But they had already assured him that their minds were made up, that they were on _his_ side, not King Enma's.

Koemna took a deep breath before answering the question.

"I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago."

He bowed his head.

"I'm going to confront my father."


End file.
